ONE WORD- UpDate

I'm a little late on doing my 6month up date. My OneWord this year was/is COMMITTED.

To say I haven't been focused on this word is a little bit of an understatement. There have been months that I have been great at it. and June just happened to be the strongest month so far.

In January I was Committed to my Relationship, to getting out out of Debt, to preparing for my future, (at least for the part I thought was going to happen soon).

In June I paid of the last bit of my debt, then my apartment burnt down the same day. June became as Committed to things as it possibly could. I had to commit to getting out of bed every day, and I did, I was busy every day trying to get some sort of life back. I had to be committed to work, trying not to fall apart when people would ask about SammyMac (that's the only personal thing these stores know about me) I had to be committed to getting things done because the loss is going to last for forever but I want to close the door as much as I can as fast as I can. and now I have to be committed to staying strong, because its only me dealing with it all everyday, and if I don't stay committed in my relationship with God I don't know how to get through it.

Now I'm committed to finding out what is next, what God's plan is for my life, and where he wants me to be.

Very day is a stepping stone. Press on, look forward and stay COMMITTED to your OneWord :)

Spoken Truth

This past Monday night I caught up with my best friend from HIGH SCHOOL. We haven't talked in almost 5 years. She is married and has a baby on the way! And just like that we were able to fill each other in on life's changes in a matter of an hour and pick up like no time has passed. Its amazing.
When I arrived back into town that night after a fast and long work day, I joined up with a few people for a glass of wine and a late night dinner and some incredibly truthful conversation. 2 out of the 4 people are new to my life and I shared a very hard, heart crushing situation with them... and they told me exactly what I didn't want to hear... The truth, the hard truth I have been ignoring for months, truth that I didn't want to admit because it makes me feel so completely foolish. Truth that has been so evident in the recent weeks It was crazy that I have not woken up out of my slumber. Truth that my counselor has been challenging me to realize for a long time but wanted me to see it on my own.

I'm SO thankful for people who speak Truth into my life, I am so thankful for new friendships that do not hesitate to be honest with me even when they know it is going to hurt.

I have no idea what God is doing in my life right now with all these changes, but I know its big and I know its coming fast.

I'm Springing Up!

Pressing on

Its been 5 weeks since the Fire. I wake up every weekend in a house that still doesn't seem like mine. Don't get me wrong I LOVE IT! It just doesn't seem like mine. Its not my things, there is no pictures of my past there is no little trinkets or decorations that I got for my 30th birthday, or from my trip to Paris, or things my friends or family gave me over the past 5 years. I get dressed in clothes every day that I feel like I have borrowed. For as much as I shop I didn't think clothes and shoes would be the hard part. Even my Tiffany's necklace that they saved is turning black again like it looked the day they got it out of the apartment.

They still have not allowed anyone to go in and see if they can save anything. I have 4 Rubbermaid containers I so wish they could get out just so I could have a few things that are "mine".

Ive reached my breaking point on dealing with it all. I want to be done with it. But as I'm fighting with insurance to get the last dime of my money I'm still working on itemized my belongings and waiting for a Fire report.

Saturdays are hard, These morning were spent with Sammy usually. I keep thinking about how much he so deserved this beautiful yard to run free and play in. I hate that I kept him cooped up in that apartment for over a year.

I enjoy thinking of him running around Heaven freely and the smiles he must bring to peoples faces with his craziness :)

I'm filled with sadness that consumes me everyday for my friends that went through is after the flood, for the people that just lost everything from the devastating tornado's, for anyone that will face this life altering situation.

I keep searching and wondering how I am going to be able to help the next person that goes though this?

I don't know what tomorrow looks like. But I keep praying for joy!

Strength through fear

I remember listening to Crystal Lewis when I was very young. This was one of my favorite songs. Out of the blue one day a few weeks ago when I was struggling with feeling like my "whole world" turned to ashes I started singing this song. I've found great comfort in it as well as others I'm sure I'll post.. Another one my sister posted on her blog...Beautiful things.http://www.jennicatron.tv/beautiful-things/

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what youve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
Ive been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair